There are some events that happen in a lifetime that are so awful, bizarre, or meaningful that they are seared permanently into the old noodle. Remember where you were when you heard about Skylab falling? Or Gary Gygax getting ousted from TSR? Or when Quizu Yupanqui crushed the advancing forces of Pizarro’s men under rockslides?…
Month: December 2019
Hyperspace Email
Do you remember the days of yore, when no normal person had an “email address” or knew what the “world wide web” was or frequently “rotated upper appendages”? Well, TSEP Farms(tm) does. The fact is, though, that even back in 1993, TSEP was plugged-in, baby. Connected. Switched-on. We traveled with a thing called a “laptop”,…
Open up a bottle of (vintage) whoop-ass
When you’re spending long hours on the road, driving from one Southern town to the next on your month-long tour de force, you need lots and lots of chemicals to keep you from dying. In particular, La Caffeine is usually indicated for gig-induced narcolepsy, and sometimes, regular sodas like Diet Coke(tm) just don’t pack enough…
Mark’s back. Here’s what you missed…
Hello, true believers, and welcome to the new, MORE FLAVORFUL Biscuit Quarterly. It’s been a long time since any of us here at TSEP World Headquarters have tickled your funny bone, regaled you with tales of Brave Ulysses, or told you a pornographic joke involving tessellated dodecahedrons. In the long dark years since our premature…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes by Ron*
Aquarius: That Hall and Oates tribute band you are seeing might actually be Hall and Oates. If they can do it, you can too! Grow a mustache and form a band. Just don’t be a country act, the planets HATE country acts. Pisces: Expect some unfortunate medical news with the only cure being an all candy corn…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Oyster S’mores
Put down your mustache wax, pretentious asshats. Do I have an artisanal treat for you. Oyster S’mores! This fun, jaunty recipe is easy to make, and will technically feed your entire house since nobody will eat them. YOU WILL NEED 5 36oz cans of pre-shucked oysters in brine (type of brine optional) A verbatim reprint…
Hot Buttered Buttholes! The Biscuit Quarterly LIVES!
The Biscuit Quarterly is back, America (and lesser countries). If you missed the sonorous, power-pop deliciosity of America’s tweehearts, Techno Squid Eats Parliament, fear not… for we are back. If you missed our deft, satirical finger squarely placed on the anal pulse of modern society, fear not… for we are back. And if you missed…
No good deed goes unpunished
In 1995, we traveled to Boston, MA to play a free show to support Amnesty International. The night before the show, we arrived at the residence of a friend of the band who lived in Charlestown, and who assured us that the neighborhood was plenty safe for us to leave our gear in our van…
The Cornflakes Box
At a key early show at Vino’s in Little Rock, we really wanted to make a splash. I have always loved having strange props on stage (like a Windex bottle full of blue cream soda to swig out of between songs) and was looking for something that would make people think “wow, what the hell…
NEW BQ
Welcome to tsep.is, the home of the new Biscuit Quarterly – the TSEP newsletter. It’s also the new online home for TSEP and the rantings of our esteemed associates. Read up! When the Final Days arrive, and Gorlox, the Hyperspace Warlord, obliterates this planet full of widget salesmen and doorknob lickers, perhaps you’ll be spared!