It’s that time of the year again! Springtember! That special time of year when it’s cold as fuck on Monday and temperate and balmy like the last scene of Silence of the Lambs on Tuesday. Why the fuck?? Global fucking warming is why! Nothing we can do about it except ride it out at this…
Category: In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo
Recipes that certainly did not come from your grandmother or a Little Rock area musician/chef. Not to be taken literally! Or figuratively. Certainly not internally.
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Pumpkin Spiced Jizzaccino
It’s that time of the year again! Cockcockcockandmorecocktember! That special time of year when no matter how many dicks you stuff in yourself, there’s always room for one more. [sighs to self wistfully] This time of year is a wonderful time to reflect on a long, brutally hot summer, to feel gladness at the cool…
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Quantum Gravy
It’s that time of the year again! Gravydroughtpril! That time of the year where everybody notices all of the sudden that there ain’t no damned gravy anywhere! Don’t be caught with dry food such as baked chicken or Saharan wood ash biscuits (recipe to come). When life gives you dry dinner, it’s time to whup…
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Whorebaby Surprise
One bite of this, and I farted blood!
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Honey Glazed Surgery Scraps Brownies
Gosh DAMN these are yummy!
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Twice Brandied Roofing Nail Surprise
It’s that time of the year again! Nowsünownow! It’s the perfect time to whup up a warm, cheesy batch of Twice Brandied Roofing Nail Surprise. (The surprise is a sudden gush of bloody mucus from a mouthful of roofing nails piercing your sinuses!) If excruciating oral pain isn’t your thing, you could tweak the recipe…
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Antler Oatmeal
It’s that time of year again: morning! It’s the perfect time to enjoy the Canadian breakfast treat, antler oatmeal. This classic breakfast side dish was conceived at a time when early Canadians were trapped inside a snowy cabin for many weeks, and had to resort to eating their reindeer’s antlers for sustenance. (Legend has it…
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Pan Seared Twat Hominy
It’s that time of the year again! Wearefuckedtember! It’s that magical time of the year when a pandemic finally reveals its true killing stroke, fucking idiots. These intellectual turnips are running around, refusing a vaccine during a once-in-a-century fucking pandemic! I mean, holy fucking fuck with that shit! Why not celebrate this Wearefuckedtember season by…
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Existential Dread Patties
It’s that time of year again: Reflectuary. That time of year when I think about my life. Sitting here, drinking corporate supply chain coffee, wearing corporate supply chain clothes, typing on a shiny machine made from rare earth minerals and human misery, it’s impossible to feel as though individuality matters. Lucky am I to be…
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Coronal Mass Ejection Biscuits
It’s that time of year again, Yearuary! It’s the perfect time to put the kids to bed early, crack open a case of bubbling liquid, and destroy most of the inner solar system with a warm, oven-fresh batch of Coronal Mass Ejection biscuits. They may seems impossible to make, but history has proven that all…