When you’re spending long hours on the road, driving from one Southern town to the next on your month-long tour de force, you need lots and lots of chemicals to keep you from dying. In particular, La Caffeine is usually indicated for gig-induced narcolepsy, and sometimes, regular sodas like Diet Coke(tm) just don’t pack enough punchy action of methylxanthine on the ol’ serotonin neurons. Those old-fashioned beverages are great at inducing incontinence, though, and do make for a great fireside story.

Well, back in the early 1990’s, we said to hell with all that weak soda, and we went for now-out-of-print NITRO COLA, which is a bit like what you get by mixing kerosene and geriatric levels of cocaine. Or, perhaps, a dozen No-Doz pills. Yes, this vintage premium dry soda was a favorite amongst those of us who would spend money on such ridiculous things as interesting life experiences.

You probably can’t get a bottle of this anymore, and even if you could, it would probably have decomposed into its constituent elements – “jazz” neutrons, barium, thorium, phyltrum, and diabeetus. But man, do I have fond memories of this stuff. I think Ron was the first to find it. We used to obtain a case of it at a time and ration it like chocolates and pantyhose, both of which we used to consume at an unnerving rate.

Now, here’s a not-so-bitchin’ product. True, I discovered this long after TSEP had become dormant; I found it in the great halls of the Kendall Square 7-11 here in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Coca-Cola Blak is supposed to be Coke and coffee blended together in an ostensibly palatable format. What it actually tastes like however, is that the Michelin Tire Man had a coffee enema while he was engulfed in flames. It’ll wake you up, for sure, but you’ll instantly wish you were in a medically-induced coma.

That’s all the beverage news that’s fit to print for today! Got a favorite obscure drink you want to tell us about? Need a reckless divination session before the weekend? Craving oats, oats, and Spam? Give us a ring!