It’s that time of the year again: Queefster! That magical time of year when Queefus Christ comes back from the dead to hand out presents to good little boys and girls, such as chocolate and bags of bloody, chopped-off hooves. This year, why not celebrate by preparing this one-of-a-kind sumptuous feast for your loved ones!…
Author: Sarlo
I was born. For a long time, I've lived. The rest TBD.
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Octagon Bisque
It’s that time of the year again, March 3, 10:47am, that time of the year when I am posting this. Today’s featured recipe is a delicious, one-of-a-kind soup made from the hearty octagon — nature’s most 8-sided shape! Whether you take yours with a dollop of whipped butter (the traditional serving style) or with a…
Aaron Sarlo’s Movie Reviews: Ford v Ferrari
They car better than we do. I want us to car better than them. Let’s spend a whole lot of time carring, and see if, in the end, we don’t car better than them. Here we go carring! Look how good we car. But, watch out, because they car real good, too. Oh, no! Something…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Ground Up Robin Eggs in an Eggshell and Baby Bird Corpse Reduction
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, loser. This year, don’t sit at home repeatedly masturbating until you ejaculate tiny little puffs of air. It’s 2020, a whole new decade for you to fail in! Get out there and meet that special someone, and when you do, bring them back to your place, and prepare…
Vanilla Ice!! SQUEEEE!!!
Clay Bell worked at a fancy restaurant called Coy’s, which is no longer in business. In 1991, my phone rang, and I answered to Clay saying, “Aaron, come down here now. I’ll explain when you get here. Come now!” I hopped in my car, and sped over to Coy’s. “Vanilla Ice is right around the…
That Time Billy Gibbons Talked Me Off A Roof
This story takes place during yet another demo session at Ardent Records. As part of our contract, we were able to record demos at Ardent Studios whenever we wanted, which, in hindsight, was an awesome privilege. For this session, we planned on an entire weekend, Friday night to Sunday afternoon. Before the trip, I went…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Rice Crispy Horror Squares
It’s that time of the year again, Nontember, the perfect time of year for a delicious…
How Aaron Sarlo Met Clay Bell and Vice Versa
I met Clay in 9th grade in civics class. It was “Crazy Hat Day,” a school event wherein students were encouraged to wear a “crazy” hat, and then at the end of the day, the “craziest” hat would win a prize. Across the room, I noticed that the new kid was wearing an Army helmet,…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Oyster S’mores
Put down your mustache wax, pretentious asshats. Do I have an artisanal treat for you. Oyster S’mores! This fun, jaunty recipe is easy to make, and will technically feed your entire house since nobody will eat them. YOU WILL NEED 5 36oz cans of pre-shucked oysters in brine (type of brine optional) A verbatim reprint…