It’s that time of year again, June. That time of year when it’s fucking June. Why not celebrate this year by setting your face on fire with a welding torch? And when the cartilage in your nose has cooled down to a crisp 400°, you will want to enjoy a summer treat! Whooooaaa, Motherfucker, Whoa…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes*
It’s the full moon, so you know what that means: the moon isn’t sick (or at least is asymptomatic) and showed up to work. Also, horoscopes!* Aquarius: Mercury is such a funny little planet. So hot on one side, yet so cold on the other. (Sort of like a McDLT). But this month it is giving…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Chambered Nautilus Pops
It’s that time of year again, Spummer — when it’s supposed to be Spring, but everything’s on fire already. I blame Al Gore. That motherfucker invented the internet, and then went and gave us Climate Change. The Gore giveth, and the Gore taketh away, I guess. Anyway, Spummer means it’s time for frozen treats, and…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes*
It’s the full moon, so you know what that means: more moon for your buck! Also, horoscopes!* Aquarius: Bibliophilia is the love of books, and that is you this month. Good thing since you can’t go anywhere. Hopefully you stocked up on books or one of those screen thingies. Also, a very good thing you learned…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Salisbury Queef
It’s that time of the year again: Queefster! That magical time of year when Queefus Christ comes back from the dead to hand out presents to good little boys and girls, such as chocolate and bags of bloody, chopped-off hooves. This year, why not celebrate by preparing this one-of-a-kind sumptuous feast for your loved ones!…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes*
It’s the full moon closest to Daylight Savings Time, so you know what that means: the farmers have won again. Also, horoscopes!* Aquarius: This is the month you get to binge on carbs. Fat Tuesday ain’t got a thing on Fat April. (The month, not your friend April, she’s not fat btw, the term is morbidly…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Octagon Bisque
It’s that time of the year again, March 3, 10:47am, that time of the year when I am posting this. Today’s featured recipe is a delicious, one-of-a-kind soup made from the hearty octagon — nature’s most 8-sided shape! Whether you take yours with a dollop of whipped butter (the traditional serving style) or with a…
Biscuit Quarterly #1 (Collector’s Item)
Before there was a Biscuit Quarterly, TSEP used to have little one-off TYPEWRITTEN newsletters that we would send out, not on any particular schedule. Over time, that evolved into the four or eight page wonders of the Modern World that we included in press kits, and that we would trade for timber, pelts, LSD, and…
A Little Hard on the Beaver
Passing time while on tour is a challenge. There are only so many cassette tapes you can go through before your Walkman’s motor burns out and renders all your music with a surreal Gates-of-Hell-Creaking-Open effect; and inevitably, all that time cooped up in a van leads to the telling of stories. Since time immemorial humans…
Aaron Sarlo’s Movie Reviews: Ford v Ferrari
They car better than we do. I want us to car better than them. Let’s spend a whole lot of time carring, and see if, in the end, we don’t car better than them. Here we go carring! Look how good we car. But, watch out, because they car real good, too. Oh, no! Something…