Today, we are mourning the departure from this world of one of the earliest fans of Techno Squid Eats Parliament : Stephanie Price. She passed away on February 8th, and her memorial service was held earlier today in Little Rock. Stephanie was an integral part of the lives of TSEP and the individual members. A…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes*
It’s a full moon, so you know what that means: you finally paid up your moon bill and they turned it back on! Also, horoscopes! Aquarius: If you were born on St. Valentine’s Day (show some respect for the title) you are an Aquarius. That means you are a glacier of love! What is a “glacier…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Ground Up Robin Eggs in an Eggshell and Baby Bird Corpse Reduction
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, loser. This year, don’t sit at home repeatedly masturbating until you ejaculate tiny little puffs of air. It’s 2020, a whole new decade for you to fail in! Get out there and meet that special someone, and when you do, bring them back to your place, and prepare…
Vanilla Ice!! SQUEEEE!!!
Clay Bell worked at a fancy restaurant called Coy’s, which is no longer in business. In 1991, my phone rang, and I answered to Clay saying, “Aaron, come down here now. I’ll explain when you get here. Come now!” I hopped in my car, and sped over to Coy’s. “Vanilla Ice is right around the…
That Time Billy Gibbons Talked Me Off A Roof
This story takes place during yet another demo session at Ardent Records. As part of our contract, we were able to record demos at Ardent Studios whenever we wanted, which, in hindsight, was an awesome privilege. For this session, we planned on an entire weekend, Friday night to Sunday afternoon. Before the trip, I went…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes*
It’s a full moon so you know what that means, the monthly swallowing and regurgitation of the moon by the giant sky dragon has entered the regurgitation phase AND it’s time to see what the stars and planets have in store for you! Aquarius: This month is a great time to learn to play the bagpipe….
SURGE into 2020
When you’re driving a van up the Eastern Seaboard, regardless of what cargo you are carrying – a band and their gear, antiques and paintings, or the heart of a dying star, there are two Road Rules ™ that you need to follow. Stay Awake. Don’t get cornholed by the Gimp. I can’t help you…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Rice Crispy Horror Squares
It’s that time of the year again, Nontember, the perfect time of year for a delicious…
How Aaron Sarlo Met Clay Bell and Vice Versa
I met Clay in 9th grade in civics class. It was “Crazy Hat Day,” a school event wherein students were encouraged to wear a “crazy” hat, and then at the end of the day, the “craziest” hat would win a prize. Across the room, I noticed that the new kid was wearing an Army helmet,…