It’s a full Blue moon on Halloween, so you know what that means: you are already a literate werewolf. Also, horoscopes! * Aquarius: You are the most lupine of all the signs Aquarius, so you are most likely to suffer from werewolfism. Nobody knows why that is, but any month with two full moons gives you twice…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Endometrium Puffs
It’s that time of the year again, Killmetober! That time of year when you’ve been stuck in one location for six months, and time no longer has any meaning. What sumptuous dish could possibly bash your nascent depression in its fucking fontanels? Try Endomatrium Puffs! Or don’t try them! What’s the point of trying anything?…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes!
It’s the full moon, so you know what that means: Nothing, the moon is a hoax. Merely weather balloons. Also, horoscopes! * Aquarius: It’s the season of the Pumpkin Spice Aquarios and while that may sound like a long, lost Donovan tune, it is a real thing…unlike that big ole phony moon. I hope you like pumpkins…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes
It’s the full moon, so you know what that means: slather on that moonscreen. Also, horoscopes! * Aquarius: You’ve made it this far Aquarius (if not, shouldn’t you be haunting somewhere instead of reading horoscopes?) and that’s an accomplishment. We both know you have no idea how you did. Just keep on keeping on. This month…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Puppy Loaf
It’s that time of year again, right now, the perfect time to get a basket of puppies drunk and then have them lick your puffy genitals until you explode like one of Elon Musk’s weird rockets. He named his kid after the sound dial-up Internet makes. That’s pretty fun. Also fun? Eating a fresh batch…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Mercury Toast Crunch
It’s that time of year again, GoddammitLarryember! It’s that time of year you think is named after the Spanish verb for ‘to wash,’ but is really named after the commonplace practice of yelling, “GODDAMMIT, LARRY!!” because it’s so fucking hot outside all the time. I mean… honestly… Have your nipples ever sweated this much? I…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes*
It’s the full moon, so you know what that means: the moon got some of that government money. Also, horoscopes! * Aquarius: Aquarius, if the song can be trusted, your age dawned it the 1960s with a bunch of stinky hippies. We have no reason to doubt pop music. Why would the 5th Dimension lie to us…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Broccoli and Baby Otter Face Casserole
It’s that time of the year again, Toyotathong, that special time of year when people jam cars up their ass cracks. You know what would be a perfect tasty treat for Toyotathong? Anything! But, also, Broccoli and Baby Otter Face Casserole — a dish so orifice-watering that a single serving can water 125 orifices (215…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes*
It’s the full moon, so you know what that means: the moon sees all! Also, horoscopes! * Aquarius: I’m not going to say that all of this political strife is your fault Aquarius, but there are photos of someone who looks a lot like you standing on the grassy knoll. Maybe it was your doppelganger. The…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes*
It’s the full moon, so you know what that means: the moon made bail and is out on the streets again. Also, horoscopes!* Aquarius: Do you remember when you found out George Michael was gay? Of course, you don’t! It is besides the point. Wham! Is still Wham! Don’t get caught up in the unimportant details…