It’s a full moon, so you know what that means: the moon has probably been the one taking your lunch at work. Also, horoscopes! * Aquarius: You will more than likely not die this month, Aquarius. Notice how I said “likely”. The stars only know so much, but you can count on them to guide you, nonetheless….
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Antler Oatmeal
It’s that time of year again: morning! It’s the perfect time to enjoy the Canadian breakfast treat, antler oatmeal. This classic breakfast side dish was conceived at a time when early Canadians were trapped inside a snowy cabin for many weeks, and had to resort to eating their reindeer’s antlers for sustenance. (Legend has it…
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Pan Seared Twat Hominy
It’s that time of the year again! Wearefuckedtember! It’s that magical time of the year when a pandemic finally reveals its true killing stroke, fucking idiots. These intellectual turnips are running around, refusing a vaccine during a once-in-a-century fucking pandemic! I mean, holy fucking fuck with that shit! Why not celebrate this Wearefuckedtember season by…
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Existential Dread Patties
It’s that time of year again: Reflectuary. That time of year when I think about my life. Sitting here, drinking corporate supply chain coffee, wearing corporate supply chain clothes, typing on a shiny machine made from rare earth minerals and human misery, it’s impossible to feel as though individuality matters. Lucky am I to be…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes*
Your future. Today!
In the Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Coronal Mass Ejection Biscuits
It’s that time of year again, Yearuary! It’s the perfect time to put the kids to bed early, crack open a case of bubbling liquid, and destroy most of the inner solar system with a warm, oven-fresh batch of Coronal Mass Ejection biscuits. They may seems impossible to make, but history has proven that all…
Crazy Ron’s Discount Horoscopes
It’s a full moon, so you know what that means: you lost the gift receipt and can’t return it. Also, horoscopes! * Aquarius: Jupiter and Saturn will be in conjunction this month and the closest observable one since the year 1226. Like the 13th Century, you need to be aware of possible bad omens. Maybe Mongol hordes, or…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Chicken-Fried Go Fuck Yourself
It’s that time of the year again, Wednesmuffsember! It’s a great time for fried foods, like jackal fritters and killer whale strips. But, while those dishes might see you packing on the pounds like a disgusting, ancestor-shaming piece of shit, Chicken-Fried Go Fuck Yourself is a delicious, healthy alternative that will help you stay trim…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Meconium Tarts
It’s that time of the year again! Fuckitscolduary! It’s the perfect time to snuggle up by a large rock, and eat a picnic basket full of Meconium Tarts! Like the name suggests, they are tarts. If your spouse, significant other, or security blanket you “legally” married because you “repeatedly fucked it,” tries to tell you…
In The Kitchen with Aaron Sarlo: Twice Fried Cat Ass
It’s that time of year again, Brideofchucky Eve, a very special time of year. It’s that time of year when all the good little boys and girls ride jet skis into the hell waters of Fukushima, Japan, and every grandma across America hangs a bucket of slaw over the basement door. Why not celebrate this…